아카이브 4월 2025

Just Watching the Light Move

I didn’t plan to sit there that long. I was just on the floor, kind of half-looking at my phone, not really scrolling. I don’t even remember what I was checking. I noticed the light on the floor—it had shifted since earlier. It moved from the edge of the bookshelf to part of the rug. I kept looking at it for a while, I guess.

I hadn’t done the laundry. There was still a cup on the windowsill. The room wasn’t clean, but I wasn’t bothered. It was warm inside, and outside looked like late afternoon. You know that kind of light that doesn’t really shine—it just lands? That.

At one point I thought about folding clothes. Or maybe washing a few dishes. But I didn’t. I kept thinking I should stand up but just didn’t. There wasn’t a reason, really. My brain was quiet. Not empty, just… not full either.

Somewhere in the back of my head, I remembered writing something kind of similar last week. About a day when nothing happened, but it still stuck around. I didn’t re-read it, but it was this one—I think.

I don’t know if that’s why I noticed the light this time, or if I would’ve noticed it anyway. It moved again a few minutes later. I didn’t get up. I just sat and looked at it.

Everything else stayed the same. The mess, the sound of a car outside, something ticking.

I didn’t do anything with the moment. But I still remember it. Which is strange. Or not. I don’t know.

Nothing Really Happened, But I Remember It Anyway

It was maybe three, or just after. I wasn’t doing much.
I had a tab open. Not sure what I was going to write. Didn’t.
I sat there for longer than I meant to, hand still on the mouse, not moving it.
The screen went dark eventually. I didn’t bother touching it.

I think the window was open a little. Or maybe it wasn’t.
It felt like it should’ve been, though. The room had that kind of air.
Outside wasn’t loud. I don’t remember hearing anything. Maybe a bird. Or maybe I imagined it.
Someone might’ve passed by on a bike. The sound was there and then it wasn’t.
Could’ve been a truck in the distance. I didn’t look.

I didn’t put on music. Usually I would. Just didn’t feel like it.
Didn’t feel like anything, really.

I sat with my back kind of slouched and one sock half off.
The toast I made earlier was still on the table.
Cold. Probably stale by then. I didn’t eat it.
I just kept staring at that spot near the edge of the table where the wood has that scratch—
I don’t know when it got there. I’ve seen it a hundred times. But that day it looked different.

Was I thinking? Maybe. Can’t remember what.
It wasn’t like I felt peaceful or anything. I just… wasn’t trying.
Which was fine.

That part I do remember. That not-trying part.
That kind of stuck with me, I guess.

Just a Morning

I boiled water like I always do. Nothing special.

Two slices of bread went into the toaster. One stayed in a bit longer than I meant to. Not really burnt, but the edges got harder than I wanted. It felt like that was going to set the tone for the whole day.

The butter was too cold. It wouldn’t spread right, just slipped around on the surface. The toast wasn’t hot enough anymore to melt it properly. I ended up tearing a corner. Not a big deal, but for some reason, I felt disappointed in myself. Over toast.

Outside, the sky was gray. Not really raining, not really bright. Just there.

The neighbor’s dog was doing circles again in their yard. Same as always. Never looks over here. I don’t know why I even watch.

And then I stood still. Not thinking much. Just… still.

I was holding the knife with butter on it, looking out at nothing. I wasn’t in a rush. Didn’t have anywhere to be. But my head wasn’t quiet either. Just… noise Iwasn’t listening to.

I didn’t even sit down. I stood by the counter holding the same piece of toast I hadn’t bitten yet.

It wasn’t profound.

It wasn’t sad.

I wasn’t happy either.

I don’t know why I remember that moment so clearly. Nothing really happened.

But it’s stuck there, like a paused frame.